i don't really have words to articulate what all i have goin on inside me, so I'll let these songs say it better:

"The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon..."
-Death Cab for Cutie, I Will Follow You Into The Dark

"I was twenty-one years when I wrote this song.
I'm twenty-two now but I wont be for long
Time hurries on.
And the leaves that are green turn to brown...

Hello, hello, hello, good-bye,
Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye,
Thats all there is.
And the leaves that are green turned to brown..."
-Simon and Garfunkel, Leaves That Are Green

"Beautiful dawn - melt with the stars again.
Do you remember the day when my journey began?
Will you remember the end (of time)?
Beautiful dawn - You're just blowing my mind again.
Thought I was born to endless night, until you shine..."
-James Blunt, High

"I do believe it's true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too..."
-Death Cab for Cutie, Soul Meets Body

" 'Cause all you see is where else you could be when you're at home..."
-Death Cab for Cutie, Your Heart Is An Empty Room


So this was partly "written" a few weeks before I left. And now I'm sorta finishing up those thoughts with my current thoughts now. Leaving was, in short, heart breaking. And I really mean that. Before I went abroad, those who were studying abroad met with professors to go over stuff. One of the things they said was that most of us would be looking forward to coming home. And, honestly, I never got to that point. I realize that sounds cold hearted, and maybe it is, I dunno. The truth is, I finally found somewhere where I was happy, doing something I liked and felt like life, although being difficult at times because of language barriers, was really good. To try and sum up all the feelings and experiences of an entire year is impossible. It was quite honestly an amazing year of self discovery at what I could do. This will probably stand out in my mind as the year that changed me fundamentally. I'm pretty sure that's true. Even after 3 months or so of being home, I'm still annoyed at loud people, don't feel compelled to apologize for every little thing, struggle with words and thoughts in english and, although I was once a master at it, hate small talk with a fleeting passion.

I'm the same and different at the same time. I like where I am. I'm happy with what a year has done with my life. My life's really not boring, because I've done things people only will dream about. Do I want to go back? If the chance were given to me right now, definately. Am I planning on going back? Same answer. Have I given up the dream to go back, despite job setbacks? Absolutely not.

The truth is...your dreams are what carry you do do the things that deep down make you happy and might define you in some new way. And as tacky as that might sound, you'd agree with me if you've done the same.

i never cried when i left home to come here, but the thought of leaving here today almost brought me to tears. i need to stay. i hope you guys at home understand that, i miss you as well, but this has been my life here in germany for the last year. and im just not ready to come home or to leave this.

if any of you know of some good job opportunites coming up in july/august, let me know. im hoping to make around 2000$ in as short of time as possible so i can get back here. i need to be back here. my next couple years lies here, so i can eventually have the job as a translator, that Ive grown to want over the last year.

in case you forgot, i come back july 27...not much longer.

take care. will write about the world cup next time.

so i have a new title for my blog, in case you didnt notice: My life's not boring... cause its really not. despite the monotony sometimes, something always comes along and reminds we why my life is great at the moment. so here's a couple reasons why:
1. i live in a castle in another country
2. im learning/living another language
3. every day can be a challenge for me
4. im reading 4 books right now, when the usual is 2
5. i have people i can depend on and people i can talk to
6. ive discovered miles davis and john coltrane

i cut my hair too since the last time i wrote.


the girl that cut it did a good job, still maintains my rock mentality.

the fact that i have less than 2 months before i go home is overwhelming. it seems like i just got here. whatever happens after i get back, this will be the year ill never forget.

go listen to miles davis. i recommend "seven steps to heaven". after that or while you listen to him, go grab a book and some coffee and enjoy yourself. take care.

Books read lately: Da Vinci Code
Books in progress: Als wir träumten from Clemens Meyer, Youth from J.M. Coetzee, Pride and Prejudice from Jane Austen.
Favortie songs/albums at the moment: Mezzanine (album) from Massive Attack, Am Ende der Sonne (album) from Farin Urlaub, Dieser Weg (song) from Xavier Naidoo, really anything I can just turn on and relax/passively listen to
Excursions/trips:

Munich

Vienna

Bad Hersfeld
Time left in Germany: 2 months, 6 days (unfortunately)

I'm not really in a writing mood right now, thus why I haven't written in a while. I'm doing well, just started my last semester of my undergraduate program a few weeks ago. Tired at the moment so I'll leave it at that.