I'm sitting here typing a paper that is way overdue and I just felt a need to write, get some things off my chest. I've needed to have some real confrontations with myself, the things I do and choose to say. Many times I say things I don't mean, or they get interpreted wrongly. I've also said things at one time, and after thinking about the subject of discussion, changed my mind but the person is still left with this prior impression of my thoughts from prior conversations. I don't even know what I'm writing or alluding to. I guess the reality of my going away next year is setting in, and it's changing the way I do things, choices I make or don't make, and impressions I want to leave. Because to be quite honest, I think this trip is going to change my life in one fashion or another. I don't know how, I just feel like it has some implications that I can't see yet, not until the experience is over. And what is going to happen in my life afterwards I don't know yet, nor can I conceive of a path to take or direction to head in. I guess that happens when you live your adventures. I am expecting good things from it. I'm very excited that it's actually going to happen. It is making my life difficult right now though, because I have to do all this adjusting of my relationships (or at least I feel like that's what I'm doing). I don't know if any of this makes sense, although I think it captures my own confusions that I feel at times with my life and what goes on in the midst of it.
BTW, I also got hired at Blockbuster and I'll probably start working next week, which is great timing because I'm so poor right now! Hope you all are doing well, and I'll see some of you next week at Thanksgiving. Shalom.