I suppose what I'm about to write was what I would have written before I left Anderson, but never had the chance or mindset to do so...

I left my house today. I had some things on my mind, and when that usually happens I need to write something. I didn't want to stick around town so I drove up to Warner Camp, which most of you know as the place I spent the last 4 summers working. I had stuff on my mind about myself and my life that I wanted to go and think about, so I figured the best place to go do that was a place I cherish. And it helped a lot. I got to see a lot of people that I hadn't seen in a long time, chit chat with them about what I'm about to do. It was all really nice, and definitely what I needed. I had went up there to think and write, and while I didn't get to write, I talked to people and reconnected with some old friends. Although I didn't get to write, I did have time to think about some things, and here's my introspection for the night:

You're going to make choices in your life that you're proud of, and ones you wish you hadn't entertained. These are things you have to accept as your past. No matter how messed up or turned around your life seems, you always have a chance to go back and do things different. Sure, things won't be the same like they were before. You'd have to undo the choices you made that brought you to this point, but that's impossible. But you can choose to press on, change yourself, be a better person. It may be dark right now, but the sun'll rise tomorrow with more choices and decisions to face. Perhaps you can face them and yourself a bit wiser.

Hey guys! Hope all is well with everyone today. I have a couple of things that I could write about and even now, I'm debating over which one (world issues and the Live8/one.org, girls and relationships, spiritual matters).

...

I think I'm going to do a mix of relationships and spiritual matters...

So I was reading off this guy friend's website. This girl posted something like "i don't fall in love with guys right away" and "God will take care of it", yada yada yada. You get the idea, and worse, you've probably heard it a few times, maybe ever used the God excuse. Let me say this off before I get going here. This is my thought with God and relationships: I think you know if you're ready for a relationship, whether the person is worth dating or has characteristics you want in a person, and just whether or not you should be in one period. When it comes to relationship and involving God, I don't feel this intrinsic need to pray about it, because God gave me a brain, desires, feelings, and from these God gifts, I aught to be able to discern if there is compatibility or not, whether this relationship will be mutually beneficial. There are other things too I think, but this is the gist of what I want to touch on.

I can't count the times when I've heard Christians say, "God's telling me to wait", "I"ll pray about it" (my personal favorite), "God will show me the right person"...and so on, They go on.

And any time I hear these things, I wonder, "have you lost your ability to function as a human being?" If you can't tell whether a person is good or not, you haven't been around them long enough. If you don't think you're ready for a relationship, or whether a particular person is someone you want to get into a relationship with, then just don't. Existence doesn't stop if you're not in a relationship with someone (although after a while, it feels like it). And saying "God will take care of it" does not absolve you from participating in looking for someone. This one gets me every time. As if God is now a matchmaker and you have no part to play in your life anymore. That's just lazy.

Folks, if you want to involve God in your relationships, great. Just don't expect God to do all the work. He created you for a certain reason, with certain likes and dis-likes, what works for you and what doesn't, and I think we all know what those things are for each of us. If you don't, there are personality tests and classes and books by experts that you can read up on. Maybe this whole declaration makes me some sort of agnostic Christian, but at least I'm not living in a fantasy world, where God just comes down and anoints my life, makes everything perfect, happily ever after. I'd bet most of these folks that run so adimantly to God when the relationship starts feel a little less inclined to do so when things go wrong.

God will prosper you, but he's not going to beam sunshine up your ass. That's not how things work. You take what's good, what's bad, and you go on. Life doesn't stop when things are amazing, or when it sucks. That's life.

So am I happy with my life and relationships? Not really, but I don't blame God for that.

As always, I don't know if I said everything I wanted to say, but if you have some thoughts, post'em. At least that lets me know one person is reading!

Shalom and bis später!

Well I really wanted to post something worth while on here, but I just don't have the energy to write it all down right now. Suffice it to say, I'm now in Michigan spending some time with friends and family. I've been looking forward to coming home for a while now, and I'm glad to be home. You don't realize how much you miss people, great food, and warm company unti you're back in it...
I've got a lot of things that have been on my mind, but I haven't gotten the chance to sort them all out and write everything down. And I'm afraid if I tried to write any of it here, it would just end up being some verbal upchuck with no point. So when I get the chance to just chill, relax, and lastly write, I will post something on here.

Hope you all are enjoying your weekends, and if you're in MI, gimme a call and let's get together. You realize another thing about the small town you come back to...there's nothin to do!

Shalom and bis später!