the room is warm, a candle lit, music playing...
the perfect atmosphere for introspective writing...

Well the semester is off to a great start. Classes are great. I have the easiest semester I've ever had because I'm only taking 13 hours this time around, so I have a lot of time to read. I'm reading books this semester that aren't even for class, and I'll actually probably read everything for all my classes too! I feel a lot more rested and relaxed. It's fantastic.

OK here is what I really wanted to write about tonight. As I walked back from Mocca Joe's this evening, hands covering my stuffed up head as the breeze pushed me, my mind took me to a place where my heart was. I was walking on a long road, a brown dirt gravel road, feeling a relief after a downpour that finally let up. The relief wasn't so much for the rain letting up as it was for the feeling of going somewhere. But I was tired, so tired from all the walking that took place through that rain. This is how I feel right now. I feel like I'm walking along this path, rain coming and going with the days that inspire it, waiting for something to happen, something in my heart to feel right again. I'm at war with myself. My heart and my mind exchanging retortions and rebuttals. I have many things, one thing in particular that I won't talk about here, on my mind and heart. I'm managing to go through my days, but each day pushes me in one direction then another in the other direction. My life is going to change in a few months, I won't be in the US. I'll be gone and things will change again. As that day draws closer after each sunrise and sunset, each earned paycheck and class completed, my imminent choice, the choice I'm going to have to make with myself, becomes this impending doom. It's my countdown. Each day leaps it forward another step. What am I going to do? I don't know at this point. Leaning towards one decision receives a smack from my heart, when the other is decided my mind bends back. Talking to friends hasn't been the cure for this dilemma. All I can do in the meantime is let the war wage on and see what happens when the dust settles. Hopefully I'll feel good about whatever that final decision is.

Well if that was vague enough for you, it was partially inspired my my not feeling good, and my own uncertainties. So there you are, the first real entry in a long time...until then...